Story by: Brecken Gurule
Imagine a child growing up in a world where their closest relatives, and primary caregivers either remain emotionally distant or consistently available. This environment and exposure can shape the way a person forms their relationships for the rest of their lives. So by understanding what avoidant, and anxious attachment are can help us grow as individuals. Not only that but by recognizing the impact these early experiences can have on our soon to be adult relationships, as well as our mental health.
Avoidant Attachment Style: What is it?
According to Simply Psychology ¨Avoidant Attachment style can be characterized as Individuals with high level of attachment avoidance. They often have difficulty with emotional intimacy and prioritize their independence. They are reserved when it comes to sharing their emotions and vulnerabilities.¨ Not only that but they also tend to have a strong desire to maintain their personal space and may become uncomfortable when others get too close. Having an avoidant attachment style can very much impact a person in a relationship by making them feel uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. People with this attachment style can find it difficult to trust their partner and have a hard time expressing how they feel. This can also cause a person to prioritize their own space and independence over a connection. Usually having an avoidant attachment can be stemmed from early childhood where caregivers/ parents were emotionally available/ rejecting. This causes the child to become self reliant which is what forms this attachment style.
Anxious Attachment Style: What is it?
Also according to Simply Psychology “Individuals with anxious attachment tend to have a high level of attachment anxiety. These individuals often desire constant closeness and intimacy in relationships and may struggle with any perceived emotional distance.” People with anxious attachment styles tend to express their emotions more openly and intensely. These are also the type of people that ask for constant reassurance and validation from not only their partners, but also people close to them as well. People who have an anxious attachment style very much desire closeness and intimacy but are often accompanied by the fear of rejection or abandonment. This attachment style also stems from early childhood but it is caused by inconsistent caregiving, parents or friends being constantly unpredictable. This high amount of inconsistency at a young age can create a fear of abandonment and this is what causes having an anxious attachment style.
How can these be combated? How can we grow, and have healthier relationships?
Although these can be tough to have to learn to deal with, growing as a person involves a high amount of patience (seriously) and commitment to being a better you.The first most important step of combating these is to become more self aware. Taking responsibility and becoming self aware can be difficult and may make you feel uncomfortable but it is necessary for growth. Some other things that can help can be things such as : going to therapy or speaking to a trusted person, establishing healthy boundaries for yourself and others, and also becoming comfortable with vulnerability and open communication .By taking necessary steps to grow and learn where you can improve as a person can help you to accomplish breaking possible generational chains and being the absolute best version of yourself, and welcoming healthy relationships into your life.
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